Terminology in adoption

The issue of language in adoption, which words to use/not use, which words are offensive/not offensive, is a big one. I'm not going to try and discuss it all. I'm just going to toss a few words out there that, for one reason or another, rub me the wrong way.

Reunion: As in "search and reunion," or looking for, and finding, one's birth family. I think reunion has a very specific connotation that, in a lot of cases, tries to establish a connection that isn't really there. For children who were older when they were adopted, and who have memories of their birth family, yes, I think reunion is a valid term. But for those of us who were adopted as infants, I think it's silly to say we were "reunited" with our birth family. When I met my birth parents, it was, for all intents and purposes, like meeting strangers. There was no sense, for me, of having lost my birth parents and then having found them again. I'm sure for them, it was very different. For them to say they were reunited with me would seem very appropriate; my birth mother remembers giving birth to me. But I don't remember anything about them, I never felt like they were missing in my life. If I tell people about my birth parents, I tell them, "I met my birth parents."

Forever families: In contrast to the above term, I think "forever families" is offensive to birth families, and I think it was coined out of arrogance, consciously or not, of adoptive families who look down on birth families because they've given up a child. Mostly though, I think it's just a stupid term. My family is my family. I don't think I need to quantify it any more than that. And I don't disparage my birth mother and father as the ones who gave me my life. They're not my family in the sense of raising and caring for me, but they're family in the sense that I carry their genes and their appearance and their ethnic roots.

Natural mother/first mother: A lot of people seem to have taken issue with the term "birth mother" in recent years. They feel that it relegates birth mothers to the status of incubators or breeders. I guess I can see where some adoptees are coming from on this one, but I don't like the terms "natural mother" or "first mother" either. Because what do those make my mom? "Unnatural mother?" "Second mother?" Yeah, those aren't offensive at all. I use the term "birth mother" because it very literally describes who she is. She gave birth to me. My mother, on the other hand, is the person who took care of me when I was sick and picked me up when I fell down and watched me walk at graduation and helped me pay for my education and taught me how to be assertive and never let me sell myself short. Yeah. But she's just a "second mother," not a "natural one." Please. Give me a break.